Motion Picture Academy of Arts and Sciences to add IQ Rating to all films.
"Adam Sandler movies, for example," says spokesman, "would carry a rating of PG-13 IQ<80, making it suitable only for people older than 13 but dumber than a German Shepherd."
Adam Sandler had no comment, but did make a goofy face.
Foreign policy expert surprised that countries bombed by U.S. tend to hate U.S. as a consequence of bombing.
"It just doesn't make sense!" expert claims.
Santorum: "Sex is icky. Men should stop having it with other men, and women should stop having it altogether."